I was rummaging my Archives mail today hunting for an email which I wrote to a counter party 9 years ago. In my search, I found this particular email which I sent to a good friend, S. A couple of friends found out that S’ husband got married to a no 2. S who knew about it and she relapaksa into consenting the marriage, could not take it and had gone into hibernation. My only contact with her was through this mail. I would like to share the mail here. I hope it will also comfort anyone who is in S’ position.
I sort of promised to A that I will only contact you some time later but what she told me just now had me caught in distress. I am very very sad for you as what you have to go through, believe me, this is just a beginning, a lot of pain will appear and you just have to be strong. I have not gone through it to the extent that you are in, but just preparing if the worse may happen. I don't know how you feel, but one thing for sure, I know this is not something we ever wish for in our lives. So if you care for my advice, go on read this...
The worst nightmare for a wife is to have the husband cheated on her. And worst still to know that it has been going on for a pretty long time and he had led her to live in deceit and betrayal. One begins to question that if he really is a good and responsible husband, would he has the cheek to do this to you and the children? A lot of questions will linger in your head, especially happenings during those betrayed years; you will have sleepless nites, refusal to eat and a lot of other suffering and is this fair for you who have sacrificed a lot for him. You have to suffer this agony yet he is living happily with two people whom he believed will love him very much. Isn't this something which is so ungrateful of him? One thing you must remember, don't let this run your life down, it is not worth it to do that. You have to love yourself and take care of yourself because nobody else would if you wouldn't.
This is not a competition to win his love but it is all about his trust, respectand honour. For all the good years that both of you are married with each other, doesn't he has the decency to tell you what he wants or at least to get your permission or ask you what you want in your life? It is all about ego and selfishness. There is no point talking him out of it because all has been done. Would you be willing to continue with it alone or together with him, undoubtedly my guess is the latter, and knowingly enough with a lot of pain and hurt.
S, nobody can tell you what to do. Follow your heart, you know what is best. Can you live without him, what about the children? They are paramount of all. Does he still have a place in your heart despite what he has done to you? And if he still does, would you be able to share his love with another one. Yes, it has been that way for the past years but during these years, you don't know about it and definitely a lot will change now that it is already out in the open. I bet you that you have not forgotten about this betrayal not even a single second and it will take a long time to heal, God knows until when, perhaps even till death. Life is unfair and you regret for it to have happened to you. What I can say is just be strong in whatever decision you take. You can pray for anything that you wish as Allah is the most merciful. You can turn to friends, talk and cry it out but at the end of the day it is Allah who can make the changes. This is the TEST for you and I am very sure you are strong enough to go through it. If you think you are not, keep on praying to Allah, and sometimes, as you pray you could become weaker and weaker but don't give up, there will be a time when you strike that strength, believe in Him, you must.
I wish I can say a lot more and to show you the comfort. If you need a shoulder to cry on, call me, I am willing to be that shoulder. Funny isn't it when previously we have a best friend whom we thought could be our ears, eyes and shoulders but now that friend has betrayed us. What worse could we wish for?
Please don't be angry with A, I will keep it to myself and my prayers are for you. Take care dear. You have my no. call me if you wish.
S is still together with the husband. She is still bermadu. She has led a good life at her own account, in fact much better than her husband and her madu. I am very happy for her. What happened to S goes to show that women are much more stronger and self-sustaining than their other half.