Missing Him

It is 9 pm. The house is just so quiet tonight. Usually there will still be the 4 Aces at home at this time. Ayna is at work, Alina is at tuition whilst Ali is far far away in Melaka. Sigh… Ali left to pursue his studies in a boarding school in Selandar Melaka today. It is hard to accept that my first son, who has never been away from us for more than two nights, is living on his own with his new friends. His room is empty, clean and well-kept, a bit unusual when Ali is around; the room would always be in the state of a bujang-mess. Suddenly I realized that I am suffering withdrawals ; gradually missing him, something I didn’t feel just now when we bade farewell. I guess I was then more worried as to whether he can cope with hostel life.

I miss nagging him for sitting infront of the computer for too long, or for watching the Starsports during solat maghrib time, or leaving the house as soon as his friends asked him out knowing it was already almost bedtime. Naturally one doesn’t really appreciate what you have until you are deprived of their presence.

I am delighted that Ali is studying in one of the best schools in Malaysia. By far and large, the prospect of pursuing his studies to the universities after the SPM, local or abroad, is far more promising when he is in the boarding school. Insha Allah …

Inadvertently, his acceptance to SBPI Selandar has made me learnt about the process of application, beloved husband’s attitude and the inner me. Actually I regret that I didn’t really pay much consideration for Ali to be accepted in the boarding school as compared to during Aliah’s and Ayna’s time. Aliah and Ayna knew what they wanted and where they want to study. However for Ali, he was unsure. He wanted to be near us yet he wanted a familiar place. Initially when he did the application online, he wanted to study at Sek Men Sains Muar where Aliah used to study but felt that it was too far. I suggested him going to MCK*, beloved husband’s alma mater, but I don’t think it was something he wanted to consider deeply, to beloved husband’s dismay. In the end he chose Alam Shah Putrajaya.

When the refusal to go to beloved hubby's alma mater was realised and discovered, the grandfather gave Ali his piece of mind after knowing that Ali’s perception that studying in any boarding schools are pretty much the same anywhere. His father wanted to continue his legacy whilst the grandfather seconded it. Despite the controversy, not much push or persuasion was done and in the end when the offer came out, he got SBPI Selandar, a school which was neither in his list nor ours.

So when Ali got SBPI Selandar, we appealed to KPel to transfer to another school nearer to home, reason being (seems much too silly) that the father will be away and it is only the mother who will have to take care of things. It was rejected not because of the silly reason but because there is this directive no transfer after placement. If it is done before placement, that can be considered (as if everyone knows about it lah kan..) If we knew about it from the beginning, we should have “panjat” KPel much earlier. By now it is already water under the bridge.

Taking it with open mind and with the rationale that everything happens for a reason, we let Ali go to Selandar today. Last night I had a pep talk with him and he seemed alright, receptive to take new challenges. Owh.. my son has grown up, and I like that feeling !

Selandar is a 2 hour drive from KL. When we reached there we did the usual stuff. We are good at it already since the process of registration is similar to the previous two occasions; Aliah and Ayna.




We were told that there would be 100 new students for Form 4 but at noon only 54 pupils turned up. After checking around, we realized that most new students are from Melaka area. This is the time when Ali put a looongg face. He felt that it is unfair for him to be in Selandar when his choice of the boarding school is different.



It breaks my heart to see him sad. I wish I had the extra powers and do a bit more for him originally, which at this instant, I am not sure what.

One consolation,there is tae-kwon-do in SBPI and hopefully he can sharpen his black belt skills, something which he loves.

Here I am thinking about Ali and what is he doing tonite; whether he is pondering about the beloved ones at home, or wondering about being in a different school or reflecting regrets for not listening to the father or grandfather. Is he able to get along with new acquaintances and new environment? Is he able to sleep on his new double decker bed in Dorm 11? Is he able to withstand the orientation week pressure? Will he be homesick for being away from us and will he miss us ?




I recited a long doa specially for Ali during isya prayers just now, praying that he will like it there and he will find passion in whatever things he newly encounter. Above all that he will be happy…..